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I've been spending some time in a small town so I'm able to get to a computer a little more frequently than I thought I would be...


Incubus - Drive


October 2005


The weeks were passing quickly and it was already the beginning of September. School seemed to be going alright and Jessica and I were at least amicable, which was a good thing. She had always been a good friend and she had strived to make it up to me since then. Thanksgiving was in three days and Austin would be home - something I'm not sure I was looking forward to.

Jordan still hadn't found a billet family and was beginning to give up looking for one. In truth Dad loved having his star player around the house – for him, Jordan was someone to talk hockey with, like Dad didn't do that 24/7 anyway. Mom loved having him there too, Jordan had a huge appetite and ate anything she put in front of him: lasagna, stir fries, salmon and even her attempt at desserts, yet he still hasn't figured out how to use the coffee maker.

Nat had started seeing this biker guy, who lived in Belleville and was spending a lot of her time with him. Not that I minded too much, I was keeping myself busy. I had started looking at colleges for the next year and decided I want to major in Math or French. I hadn’t decided where yet, I was tempted by McGill but it felt too close to home and although I loved the thought of being in Montreal, I wanted to escape and go further afield. So I had been drawn to the States and sunnier climes: Miami, Texas, South Carolina, California and even New York to a certain extent.

As Nat spent more and more time in Belleville with Mr. Harley Davidson, I began to spend more time with Jordan. At first it was just hanging out around the house, having someone to talk to; then we had gone swimming with a bunch of friends. And last weekend we had roller bladed around the neighbourhood – even though I’m good, I wasn’t put on skates at the age of two or three and my legs aren’t two metres long, so I had problems keeping up with Jordan. In a way it was like having another Mike, another brother around the house, someone to chat to and joke around with.

Everyday after school I would meet Jordan at my locker or by his car and we would ride home together. Some days he would have a match or be travelling to another town for a match so I would ride with Nat or Jessica or one of the guys. “When are you going to come to one of our matches?” Jordan teased one sunny October morning.

I’m the Head Coach’s daughter and I don’t think I’ve ever been to a hockey match, OHL or NHL in my life. Call me a bad Canadian. “Never,” I replied thinking hell would have to freeze over before I set foot in a hockey arena.

“Why not?” Jordan replied focusing on the road. Did I need a reason not to go to a hockey match? Because I didn’t want to, because hockey doesn’t interest me, because I don’t want to watch guys in lots of padding shoot a bit of rubber on the ice. “I’ll make you a deal,” he said, “if and when I don’t need help with advanced math, you have to come to a match.”

This could be interesting. For the last few weeks Jordan had been struggling to complete the set work set by Ms. Greene. Each week I had been helping him go over it and explain it. In all fairness he was making progress yet he relied on me helping him out. I guess it wasn’t simple, it was hard algebra and statistics and at times I struggled with it. But for now, Jordan was in no position to be making deals like that; he badly needed my help.

“Sure,” I replied with a little grin. Like that’s going to happen. I sat in the car pretty certain that I wouldn’t be going to a hockey match this year.

“Looking forward to Thanksgiving?” Jordan asked as we headed along the road by the river away from school. What a stupid question. Normally I loved Thanksgiving; our family didn’t make a big deal out of it, Christmas was the real celebration for us, but Mom always cooked a ham in maple syrup and tried to make a fuss.

The only thing I wasn’t looking forward to would be knowing that Austin would be here. I hadn’t seen or spoken to him since that night, but I had heard on the grapevine that he would be back in town. “Yeah, Mom goes all out for it, it’s always fun,” I replied. “Are you going to see your family?”

Jordan shook his head. I knew he was from Thunder Bay which was a fair distance but I figured he would go see them or they would come visit. “We have an away match the next day, and Dad’s really busy at the moment on the farm.” He concentrated on the road, not taking his eyes away as he stared straight ahead. I realised it must be hard for him, being away from his family all the time and not seeing them much.

“It’s OK, you’ve got us!” I joked trying to lighten the mood in the car. I fiddled with the radio as we crossed the bridge, wondering what it would be like to be drafted hundreds of kilometres from home. Maybe it would be cool but there must be times when it sucked.

______________________________________________________________________________________


I was sitting in my room at my swivel chair, doing my French essay and reading the set book. I had received another couple of messages from Austin, which yet again I hadn’t replied to. I knew I couldn’t avoid him forever though I wasn’t sure how I felt about him. Yes I was annoyed at what he did on the night of his party, but it seemed futile to just throw away everything we had. I think I’ll know exactly how I feel if and when I see him.

Jordan knocked on my door. “I need help,” he said coming in, clutching a piece of paper with a pen stuck between his lips. He sat on the edge of my bed before lying back on it, letting the piece of paper float to the floor. I’ve sort of got used to him just barging into my room like this when I’m trying to work. Sometimes it’s a pain, sometimes it’s OK because we do our geography work together (and Jordan’s better at that than I am).

“Whatcha doing?” he said sitting up as I looked at the piece of paper he had dropped. I cast an eye over it wondering at which point he had decided to use substitution instead of elimination in his simultaneous trig equations. And, they looked correct. I took my calculator out of my desk and did a few quick sums. Ah, he had got the value of α wrong but apart from that it was looking good.

“Check alpha,” I replied handing him back the sheet. “Use elimination and it might be easier.” I turned an eye back to my work, forcing myself to think about Camus’ use of language in L’Etranger. My phone pinged again signalling another message from Austin. I chucked it onto the floor in frustration and opened the book again to find the quote I was looking for.

“Is it that bad?” Jordan said pointing to the phone on the floor with the pen. I had forgotten he was still lounging on my bed. I nodded, looking through the book. If only I could find the page.

“Austin,” I answered softly. “He’s home tomorrow and he thinks everything can go back to how it was.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously,” I spoke not looking up from the book.

“You know you don’t have to see him,” Jordan sat up so he was paying more attention, not noticing that he had just sat on and creased up his work. I did know that, but I couldn’t hide from him forever. I heard things from the guys or from Nat and Jessica who still spoke to him and it sounded like he was really enjoying college. I just don’t want to get back with him, I don’t see the point now that he broke my trust before he left. I don’t want to be in a LDR.

“I know that, it’s probably easier if I talk to him.”

“He’s such a douchebag,” Jordan said as his fists tightened and he grasped a tuft of my duvet in his hand, bunching it into his fists. “He treated you like shit last year, and I know you have been with him for a long time but you don’t owe him anything.”

“Riiight,” I said not seeing where Jordan was going with this.

“That’s all I’m saying,” he said unclenching his hands and getting quickly up off my bed and walking out into the hallway. I heard a loud bang and then nothing. That was random.

_______________________________________________________________________________


“I thought I might find you here,” he said sitting down next to me as I continued to gaze out across the river. I always come here, always to this park. Of all the parks in Peteborough; this one is my favourite. It’s always so tranquil by the river and I like to come here when I want to clear my head and think about things. I should be at home helping Mom prepare Thanksgiving dinner, not that there’s much to do, she did most of it yesterday, but still I should be there.

I could smell the light scent of his cologne as he moved closer, putting his jacket around my shoulders. I didn’t respond, just continued to look out at the ducks swimming on the river. They must be cold, I thought, in the cool October water.

“You know me,” I said quietly as I looked at my bicycle which was sitting on the grass next to me.

“Your mom invited me over for dinner.” I turned to look at him, furious that my mom had done such a thing. Why on earth did she do that? She can’t push us back together! Austin smiled at me as I turned my head to look at him.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Pelino, why not? C’mon this is me you’re talking to.”

“Yeah, and you screwed that up,” I said getting to my feet, shrugging Austin’s arm away from me as I pulled my bike up and began to pedal away across the grass as fast as my legs would take me.

I didn’t get too far as Austin caught up with me. Damn bumpy grass and stupid football player. He caught hold of the handlebars, almost letting the bike fall over as I glared back at him. How dare he do this. “You’re not welcome for Thanksgiving. I think it’s best if you leave me alone and don’t contact me. No flowers, no messages, no voicemails, no drunken texts, no letters, no nothing, over. Finito,” I emphasised spelling it all out for him.

“You got the flowers?” a grin spread across his face. I tore my bike out of his grip and cycled furiously across the grass, the wind blowing through my hair as I pedalled home. I pulled my bike up the front steps, leaving it in the hallway, not bothering that it was slightly muddy on the wooden floor. I would deal with that later.

“Mom! What were you thinking inviting Austin over? We’re finished.”

Mom turned around from stirring the butternut squash soup and smiled at me. She looked amused at my sudden outburst of anger.

“Well he popped into Beans yesterday afternoon and we had a nice little chat. He asked how you were getting on and was telling me all about Penn State. He seems to be really enjoying it there. And I thought I would invite him over for dinner, give you two some time to talk.”

“There’s nothing to talk about. Like I said it’s over. And I uninvited him,” I said heading out of the kitchen and up the stairs. “Alice,” my mother began but her voice fell on deaf ears. I stalked along the landing, heading to my bathroom and threw myself onto my bed. I couldn’t believe she had gone behind my back and invited him yesterday.

I walked into the bathroom deciding to fix my hair or something, just doing anything that would take my mind off what had just happened.

“Hey, Lizzi invited me to the Halloween ball,” Jordan said standing behind me in the doorway as I fiddled with a couple of hairclips.

“That’s great, Lizzi’s really nice,” I replied not turning around as I braided my head into two French plaits. Lizzi and Jordan would make such a sweet couple – I was aiming for Nat and Jordan, but Nat likes bad boys and Jordan’s not really one of those. Plus Jordan sort of has a fan club at school, so it’s nice that he’s seeing someone.

“Well it would be, if I liked her.”

“Lizzi’s awesome,” I said, turning round as I tied the bottom of one of the plaits, wondering why Jordan didn’t like her. Lizzi is pretty, outgoing and clever and she’s super athletic. If she wasn’t so nice, she would be one of those girls you wanted to hate. "What's the problem?"

“I sort of like someone else,” he said. I frowned. Uh oh, he was making some sort of love triangle for himself here.

“Just tell her, and she’ll probably say yes. Ooh do I know her?” He looked confused as he stretched his neck a little before folding his arms across his chest.

“Umm sort of... I’m scared she’ll say no and she doesn’t like me like that. She's hot and different and cool...”

Ouch. Everyone is scared of rejection and school isn’t exactly huge so news spreads quickly. So if you get rejected, everyone knows about it. Especially anything involving relationship drama and who asked who out, or who is sleeping with who. In a way it’s kind of pathetic, but like any gossip, it’s fascinating to hear.

“Well good luck,” I said turning back round to face the mirror again, fixing the other braid. I'm glad Jordan's found a girl he likes.