III

Africa is amazing! Don't have much time online - connection is rather slow but here is number three. Haven't had much time to proof read it - it's come straight from my notebook. Enjoy and let me know what you think...


Pixies - Where Is My Mind?


I woke up to a horn beeping furiously outside my window and some shouting. I turned on my cell to see seventeen missed calls and about the same number of texts. I could vaguely make out the voice outside, you didn't need to be a genius to know that it was Austin.

Turning over in bed, I pulled the duvet over my head until I was buried underneath, wishing I hadn't slept with the windows open. It was far too early to be up for this. Hopefully Mom or Dad could deal with this, I don't think I can face him after last night. At the very least I need some time to think.

After a few minutes the beeping stopped, followed by the screech of tyres which I assumed must be Austin driving off. Glancing at my clock I realised it was after ten. Mom must have left for the coffee shop, I thought realising that I had slept in longer than I wanted to. I raised my head as someone knocked gently at my door.

"Come in," I said as the door creaked open. It was Jordan. "Oh." He looked all sweaty and shiny like he had been working out. As he took a couple of steps into my room, he looked around. I noticed he was wearing shorts and a tee and running shoes. He had obviously just come back from his morning run.

I sat up wondering what he wanted, not caring about my hair that was sticking out all over the place or the fact I hadn't removed last night's make up. "That was Austin, he wanted to see you before he left," Jordan said. "Your Dad went to the rink as well, something about a managerial meeting," he added.

He stood in the doorway for a few moments longer as I processed this information. Just as he was about to go, I knew I had a question. "Wait," I asked as Jordan hesitated on his way out. "When Austin was here, was he OK?"

"He seemed pretty distressed, like something was really up. I said you'd call him," Jordan said as he closed the door to. Now I had to make the first move with Austin.


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Call me read the first one from Nat. Sitting in my bathrobe I remembered I still had her lucky leather jacket, I should give that back to her.

The second one from Nat read Before you read anyone else's messages, call me and I'll explain before Nat's last message read: I can't believe he did that. I'm so sorry. She's such a skank

Confused I picked up my phone and called Nat, looking at my pink toenails, wondering if I should go for a pedicure today.

"Hey Alice," she said, her voice clear that she had been drinking last night. "You OK?"

I explained that I was OK, just cut up that Austin had abused my trust like that and acted like a total jerk to me. "Umm... don't read any of the other messages," Nat said quickly. "I'll be right there."

Out of curiosity I did. I know I shouldn't have but I did. It's human nature when someone tells you not to do something, you do it. So I read the messages, first the angry ones from Austin, then apologetic to the begging and pleading ones at the end. I'm no Einstein but from all of the texts I had pieced together what had happened after I had run away.


He had cheated on me.


With Jessica. One of my 'friends'.


Nat burst into my room about five minutes later as I sat there staring into oblivion. She drew me into a hug as we just sat there in silence. "He was so cross at me," I began. "He ripped my jeans and he slapped me so I ran. I told him we were over. And then he screwed Jess. That fucking hurts."

"I know, I know," Nat repeated still holding me.

Even if I had said we were over, was it still cheating? We have been through so much together that as soon as I said it's over, he screws the nearest person. So maybe it's not cheating because I ended it, but it still feels like I've been cheated on.

"Hey, look on the bright side. Now that you're single, you can have your pick of guys at school, or you can have hot blondie down the hall," Nat said brushing the hair out of my eyes. Hot blondie? Who was that? Oh she must mean Jordan. "Cause if you won't have him, I will," Nat said jokingly. I looked up at her. I really didn't even want to think about other boys right now.

I've been with Austin for so long that I don't think I've ever been single. We were going to be together forever. I'm not sure that I want anyone else, but I'm not sure that I want Austin right now, not after what he did to me and then he screwed Jessica.

"I'm going to go make you a cup of coffee." Nat got up to leave me so I took the opportunity to jump in the shower and freshen up. I smelt like smoke and beer and sleep. Maybe I would feel better afterwards.

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"Where did Nat go?" I asked thinking my coffee was taking an awfully long time. I made my way downstairs to see Jordan standing by the coffee machine. "She had to go quickly but she'll be back in half an hour, she told me to make you a cup, though I don't know how this thing works..."

He was standing in front of the machine looking at it like it was some sort of space age robot. Mom brought it last year because she's a coffee fanatic and she wanted the real deal, the "real Italian espresso". All of the buttons are hidden so I'm not surprised he was having trouble with it, Dad still does and he lives here.

I plugged it in and pressed a couple of buttons as it started to brew, the aroma of coffee filling the air. I sat at the kitchen table munching on an apple, waiting for the coffee to be ready.

Jordan took a seat next to me at the table, just looking down into his coffee.
"Are you looking forward to the season starting?" I said desperate to kill the silence.

"Yeah, will be good. Tough as it'll hopefully be my last season in juniors but there's school too."

Oh school, I thought as I sat curled up on the chair with my legs up to my chest. If people didn't already know by now that Austin and I had split up, people were going to know on Monday. And I would have to face Jessica and the other girls. School had been so easy when I was with Austin - we were 'the' couple and now that it's over it's like social suicide.

"You looking forward to going back?" he asked as I took a sip of my black coffee, pleased with the bitterness that hit the back of my throat. What a loaded question. I was looking forward to senior year, that would be fun, but I wasn't looking forward to the questions, the glances and the rumours. I see my friends outside of school so in a way, not really.

"No," I replied. Jordan raised his eyebrows at me as if he needed an explanation. He had seen me last year, it was as if school was my life, I loved being there, surrounded by my friends and my boyfriend. "Austin and I split up last night."

Jordan just nodded. "He slept with Jessica," I added. Jordan's jaw tightened a bit and then he swallowed.

"Shit Alice, you OK?" He held my hand which was lying on the table, then quickly dropped it as he realised I had noticed. I returned a wan smile.
"But you're popular, you'll be OK," he replied. I didn't want to tell him that I'm sort of popular by association - dating Austin made me popular; I was accepted into that circle. And now that Austin's gone, my social security has gone too. Nat, she's cool because she doesn't give a damn about what other people think about her - sadly I'm not like that. I shook my head in reply. I wouldn't be totally rejected but I know that the first week is going to be interesting, well, interesting enough until someone else becomes school gossip.

"Get your stuff and I'll call a couple of the guys. We're going out. Out so that you can be seen and not mope around inside. You need to look like you don't give a damn," Jordan said. What was he suggesting? Being seen around town with half of the ice-hockey team - that shows that I don't care when I do care, I care very much about Austin.

"Nat can come to," Jordan said as Nat came through the front door.

I guess I had to show my face sooner rather than later though I'm not sure this is the best way to do it.

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Stereophonics - Handbags & Gladrags


Jordan had a point - a point I was loathe to admit, but I couldn't hide away forever. And I'm the innocent party in all of this as Nat keeps telling me, so really I shouldn't be hiding. If anything, Jessica should be the one who's ashamed to show herself.

"Where are we going?" I asked following Jordan out of the door once I had dressed and looked presentable with my appearance. He didn't say anything as we walked along the quiet street until we reached Charlotte street, Nat talking loudly on her cell as she traipsed along beside us.


I whirled the little wooden stirring stick through the foam of my cappucino again, wondering exactly why I had agreed to come out. Around seventy percent of me agreed with the statement that I couldn't hide away forever. I had managed to make myself look presentable - my faded denim cut-off hotpants, showing off my summer tan, with an oversized sweater I had borrowed from Austin some time ago. Nat of course, looked her usual ravishing self, and was noticeably checking out Jordan, who seemed utterly oblivious to her staring. I think they'd make a totally cute couple - if he wasn't so away with the fairies.

The conversation had dried up as we all took sips of our drinks. The coffee here was good, though not as good as the coffee from my mom's coffee place 'Beans', but here, at least we would be seen. And that was the name of the game.

Jordan stood to greet a huge, brown haired guy who he introduced as Jamie. He looked quite familiar too - pretty sure he's been at the house once or twice last year.

"Ah, so you're Coach's elusive daughter," he said holding out a massive hand for me to shake. I didn't take it - I would hardly say I'm elusive - quite the opposite in fact since I spend more time out of the house than in it. To me, someone who is elusive is someone who avoids social situations and hides in their room all day. And I know that I've never been like that.

"Hardly," I replied absentmindedly as Nat dug her pointy, leather covered elbow hard into my ribs. I looked at her briefly trying to work out what her problem was, when she gave me that look - the one that means 'Come on'.

Jamie looked across at Jordan, giving him a curt nod and a grin as Jordan shook his head. Boys can be so pathetically obvious sometimes.

He took a seat opposite me, grinning lazily back at me as he ordered himself a large coke and fries. Aren't hockey players supposed to be athletes who eat healthy things. Austin was always going on about how his body was a temple, and 'you are what you eat' - sometimes he drove me up the wall with it, but he said a healthy nutritious diet was the key to success. And now he's got a full football scholarship to Penn State - he probably had some point.

"So how do you know Jordan?" Nat offered, trying to make sort of effort at conversation. She lit up another cigarette, inhaling deeply with her eyes closed before exhaling, letting the smoke rush out like a torrid steam train as it drifted slowly upwards and across the table. Jamie wafted the drifting smoke out of his face. "Hockey, I'm his captain this year," he said jabbing his thumb in Jordan's direction.

That made sense. At least I now knew where I recognised him from. And sadly, if he was Captain, he'd probably be round at our house often this year.

Switching my phone on discreetly in my lap, so as not to draw attention from Nat or the two guys, I saw I had a new message from Austin.

Please call me babes and hear me out X

Nat plucked the phone out of my hand, deftly pressing a few buttons as a look of utmost concentration filled her face as she focused on the screen. She made a few clucking noises as she continued to look at the screen before handing me my phone back.

"Let him stew," she replied as she stubbed out the end of her cigarette in the ash tray on the table. "At least a week," she added automatically answering my next question.

"Man trouble?" Jamie asked with a twinkle in his eye as he looked between me and Nat.

"Not anymore," I answered, looking back into those chocolate brown eyes.

"Good, I'd hate to think you were off the market." What was this guy's problem? I'm not something to be bought and sold at market, bartered and haggled over like some Arabian carpet. And was that some open attempt at hitting on me? I knew there was a reason why I didn't hang around with hockey players.

"Who says I'm "on the market"?" I said making the bunny ears gesture with my fingers. I hated the term and it was somewhat offensive. It made me sound like a prize possession.

"You just did," Jamie replied grinning back at me. This guy was such an asshole.

Jordan spoke to Jamie in a hushed voice, which I couldn't make out. My phone vibrated noisily signalling I had another message.

We should probably talk before Monday
it read. I glanced at the id noticing it was Jessica, wondering what she could say that was going to make this situation any better.

"You went out with Austin?" Jamie said as if it was some state secret. I thought most people in Peterborough knew about Austin and I dating or dated; we had always been together.

"Yeah," I replied, thinking that this is one of those times when I wish I smoked - such a distraction and an excuse to get away a bit. "Common knowledge."

"He's such a jerk," Jamie said clearly not holding back his feelings on one of my closest friends and ex boyfriend. "Sometimes I wish he played hockey just to chuck him over on the ice." I raised my eyebrows in disgust, wrinkling my nose at the thought. I may have ended the relationship and it wasn't nice how it ended, but I wasn't yet at the stage of hating Austin - I felt disappointment and a stab of pain in my gut as I thought about last night.

"And you know him how?" Nat interjected as she had sat silently watching this exchange. Nat always intervenes at the right moment - usually before things get too heated and take a turn for the worse.

"High school. At Thomas Stewart he was always being a douche in the hallways - thinking he owned the place," Jamie replied. Austin had owned high school. He got top grades, people liked him and life was easy for him (and me) at school.

"Anyway, he's gone to college now," I said wanting to remove the conversation away from Austin as much as possible.

Nat smiled and poked me in the ribs again before discreetly, and I mean discreetly pointing at Jordan. I glanced in his direction noticing he was watching me quietly, looking away shyly as I caught him.

"Just got a message from Jessica," I said to Nat, handing her my phone.

"She's not even worthy of a reply," was her response. I don't know what to do. Since when did life become so complicated?