XIV

Originally I wasn't going to post this until the weekend but I have a ridiculous amount of work on and life is getting a little crazy. As always, let me know what you think :)


This charity song is by a really crap british band but the song kind of fitted: The Wanted - Gold Forever


School. No matter how much you like or dislike school, there is nothing worse than getting up at some ridiculous hour, when it's dark and still snowing outside to try to motivate yourself for the first day back after the holidays.

Sadly there wasn't enough snow on the ground for school to be cancelled - and it wasn't snowing heavily enough to stop me from having to go in today; but it was still snowing.

And going to school meant one thing. I had to ride with Jordan. The very same Jordan who I had been avoiding and hadn't spoken to after I had come back from the coffee shop with Nat.

If I said I didn't make an effort with my appearance this morning, I would be lying through my back teeth. Everyone always makes more of an effort at the beginning of a new semester with clothes and make up. I selected a pair of my favourite jeans and a figure hugging top and neat jacket, making sure my hair was blow dried to perfection. Overkill?

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Jordan was sat at the breakfast table when I came downstairs. He didn't look up from the sports section of the paper. I grabbed a mug of coffee and an apple for the road. He still didn't look up. I coughed gently, more to gage if he was deliberately avoiding me or really engrossed in the sports pages.

"You ready to go?" I nodded, holding my cup of coffee which was going to come with me in the car.

I followed him out into the cold, my eyes staring into his broad back. He was talking which was a sign at the very least, but neither of us were being particularly friendly towards the other.

As soon as I got in the car he turned the radio on. I turned it off. We were already fighting, but he couldn't hide behind the radio - we had to talk this one out.

"What Alice?" he said almost frustratedly as he waited for the windscreen to defrost. I shuffled round on the seat so I was facing him.

"Is that it? We're not even talking anymore... I don't get it," I began wondering where I was taking this. He sighed, one hand raking through his blonde hair, the other gripping the steering wheel.

"What has this got to do with anything?" he said. Oh play that card, like you don't even know where I'm coming from.

"You know what I'm talking about." God, I sound like his mother, I thought as my eyes flickered over his face. I didn't raise my voice, this wasn't an argument, a shouting match; no it was going to be civil and it had to be done.

"Yes I know what you're talking about, but I don't get why it's such a big deal to you," he said, finally looking at me. His blue eyes shone with honesty and sadness and a tint of something else.

"Because... because..." Right now I was at a loss for words. What he had just said was insensitive to say the least. On the edge of exasperation, I just blurted it out. "After, after Christmas Eve and tobogganing and all that, it was more than a shock to see you with someone, someone... else!"

"Wait! Me with someone else?! Whoa, you were pretty cosy with that guy on the stairs!" he shot back.

Which guy on the stairs? I must have looked confused. Who the hell was he talking about? "Do you mean Brady? Tall, brown hair? Are you kidding?"

Jordan looked crossed and slammed his left hand down on the wheel causing the horn to honk making me jump a mile out of my seat. Was that really necessary? "Brady is like my brother, he's one of my oldest friends," I explained, my eyes flickering over his face, watching his everymove and waiting for his reaction.

"With benefits," Jordan murmured under his breath. There was nothing more I wanted to do right now than slap him silly.

"NO!" I said beginning to lose my temper. I'm surprised I managed to keep it all this time. "No benefits. Friends, that is all. Never anything more. Brady has a girlfriend and for the record I never have been, nor will I ever be interested in him."

Jordan nodded, as he pulled out of the drive. I didn't feel like I was getting anywhere. "Sorry," he mumbled as we drove along the slushy street.

"For what?" I said still looking at him. This felt like a complete role reversal now: he was apologising to me.

"Accusing you of sleeping with Brady."

Jesus. If he thought I had something with Brady on New Year's Eve particularly when I was with Brady on the stairs, no wonder he thought I wasn't interested in him.

So was he really trying to tell me that if I hadn’t been talking to Brady then he wouldn’t have kissed Susie? Was he insinuating that this was my entire fault?

“Look, it was just a one off thing,” he said stopping at a red light. I looked away, not really focusing on the road wet road ahead, not sure if I believed him. Was the fact that it was just a one off thing meant to make it any better? And I was supposed to forgive that? Not to mention the humiliation I had felt in front of my friends that night.

“I still like you,” he said as he put his foot on the gas. Great, that makes me feel a lot better, I thought. Not.

“And you expect everything to be normal again now?” I said.

“What’s normal?” he grinned. Oh, this was funny now?! I crossed my arms in front of me and twisted back around so I was facing the front. “I mean, c’mon Alice, I’m not going to see her again, if that’s what you mean. She’s gone back to Australia…”

“So... why then?” I said trying to figure out what kind of bizarre thought process had gone through that big head of his. I needed to understand why if we, no I, was going to move forward from this.

“Because I thought you were getting it on with Brady; it just looked like I was. And I had had a few drinks and she was just there. She showed an interest in me, she wanted to know about ice hockey and it was flattering…” His voice trailed off as he stared straight ahead. “It didn’t mean anything, it was just a New Year’s kiss.”
Just a New Year’s kiss. The ONE night when a kiss is more important than most other nights. And he chose her.

“Alice, c’mon.” He pulled into a parking space. I took off my seatbelt and picked up my bag, zipping up my coat, ready to walk into school. Quickly Jordan flicked the locks down. I turned around raising an eyebrow. Was he really going to lock me in the car?

“We’re sorting this out now,” he said.

“Kidnap is illegal, Jordan,” I said trying to unlock the door.

“Well then let’s sort this out!”

“What is there left to say?” I moaned.

“How about I like you, not her and I made a mistake. And I want another shot, with you,” he added quietly.

I sighed. I had gotten the apology I had wanted eight days ago but I don’t know if “another shot” was right. And I certainly didn’t trust him. Would he screw up again?
“Jordan… let me out before I break a window,” I said looking him right in the eye. I needed some space to think and process everything he had just told me. And I needed some advice from Nat.

Silently he released the locks and I stumbled out, utterly confused with my mind racing at over a mile a minute. Slamming the door behind me, trying not to draw too much attention to myself in the middle of the bustling car park, but enough to let Jordan know that I was severely pissed off, I stomped my way across to the main building. I’m finding an alternative way home this evening.

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“Wait… are you kidding?” Nat said as I put my books away in my locker. We were five minutes late for French and the corridor was empty. “Seriously? He has some nerve.”
I sighed frustrated. It was all one big old mess. “Tell me about it.” Closing the door to my locker, I grabbed the textbook and started walking towards French class.

“But, you are going to give him another chance, right?” Nat said.
I shrugged. This is so unlike Nat – normally she’s the one who is all for ditching a guy if he pulls something like this so I don’t get WHERE this is coming from. And she likes Jordan, she thinks he’s cute and right up my street and all, but I’m not sure about this whole “another chance”.

Why write something off like that whole evening – which was social suicide – and say, ‘Of course Jordan, of course you can have another chance’. I’m no fool and I resent the fact that he assumes and has the nerve to ask for another chance. Technically we were never officially dating, not when you compare that to what Austin and I had, which is ridiculous in comparison.

I don’t want to go back to that (ie serious relationship territory), I’m not sure what I want, but Jordan and I were undefined, not even exclusive or that “seeing each other” thing people pretend to do before they start going out. So it makes life a lot more complicated. You could say I’m trying to compartmentalize ‘this thing’ into a box, but life isn’t as simple as that, and this is definitely in that wide section of grey.

“Al, he LIKES you,” she hissed as we walked into the classroom and took a seat at the back. We were rewarded with an obligatory glare from Mme Koehl and the ‘better late than never’ remark.


Once lunchtime had swung around, Nat was keen to raise the issue. Rather than eating in the school cafeteria with everyone else, Nat, Jess, Lizzie and I have taken to going into town. Today we ended up at Espresso in the very same booth Nat and I had sat at yesterday. On the menu today was the topic of Jordan.

“Ditch,” Jess said, “and then pass him my way.”

“You like leftovers,” Nat remarked trying to suppress a smirk. Jess glared at her whilst playing with her tofu salad.

“Maybe you should give him a chance, at least to prove himself to you,” Lizzie said quietly. Jess frowned, throwing a leaf at Lizzie. “Let him take you out, go on dates, just you two. Obviously without your parents finding out,” she hastened.

“I like that idea,” Nat quickly replied. “Just don’t tell Poppa Pelino. I mean that would be one awkward discussion.” I tried not to imagine how that would go down.
So the votes stood at 2 for giving him a chance, one against him (probably so she could sink her claws into him) and me, sitting on the fence. At the moment I was swaying towards not giving him a chance, but I sure as hell wasn’t going to pass him over to Jess. Jordan couldn’t stand her, not that she needed to know that.

Today was going to be a long day….