VIII

Firstly I just wanted to apologise for not updating for so long. I'm finally back in Montreal after a long two months in Africa - which was amazing. I was teaching in Malawi and Mozambique and have decided to sponsor a couple of children for the rest of their education. Things were going great until I got malaria in the middle of July and I was transferred to Nairobi (not on my death bed or anything)before being returned to London (where my mum lives). I had left my laptop with all of the next chapters on at my Dad's house in Montreal hence no updates for the last couple of weeks.

I can only apologise for not updating sooner - I'm so behind with reading other stories that I have been desperately trying to catch up with on my blackberry... And I will get back on with the comments once I have caught up.

Someone asked why I chose Steve Downie? I don't know much about him but I chose him at the end of the last chapter because he was a recognisable name on the Petes at the same time Jordan was there. After a quick wiki I realised he doesn't exactly have the best history... Sorry for the delay... Hope you've all had fantastic summers (not long til hockey now) and this lives up to expectations....


Led Zeppelin - Misty Mountain Hop


That night didn't really solve any answers. There were still rumours going around about Jordan and I which I was learning to ignore. I didn't know whether to believe the rumour about Jordan liking me or not leaving me confused for the next couple of days. He had stayed the night but he had left when I went to the bathroom and he had sort of avoided me ever since. I didn't know what to think.

School had been cancelled on the Monday and Tuesday because the buses were having problems getting to school with the sheer amount of snow on the road. I had made a snowman and a few snow angels but by the end of Monday, I was sort of bored.

I hadn't really seen Jordan, I tried to stay out of his way as much as possible and I'm pretty sure he was trying to do the same. He was always at the arena or with friends, but I was content that I didn't see him much.

On the Tuesday Mom was back at Beans after temporarily closing on the Monday - she figured business would be down and with six feet of snow outside, she wasn't in the mood to run an empty coffee shop all day.

I was lounging around the house, trying to make my final decisions about college. It wasn't necessarily an easy choice; wherever I chose to go, I had to be satisfied at the very least that I would be spending the next three to four years of my life there. Afterall, this was my future, the next step of my life, the final step before independence and adulthood. Having said that, I wanted to be in a big city, somewhere where I could enjoy great shops, nightlife, culture and be nobody. Here, I'm Alice Pelino, the daughter of the Peterborough Pete's Coach and Austin's ex-girlfriend. I wanted to be my own person, to not have the attached stigma that I have here of being somebody's something.

So I had finally chosen a shortlist: UCLA because sunny California was really tempting right now, University of San Francisco, a place in Phoenix, NYU because New York would be fantastic and Miami, because I've only heard good things about Miami.

I had been downstairs in the lounge on my laptop, looking at campus life and what to expect from the various universities next year. It was all so exciting, the accommodation, societies, clubs, sports - not that I do much of that but there seemed to be some fun ones too... Everything was new and so different to high school, I can see why everyone raves about college.

Dad rang the home phone and asked me if I could bring some paperwork he had left in his office at home to the arena. He's the one with the car, surely it'd be easier for him to drive back and get it, it's like a twenty five minute walk there.

Still in my pjs, I walked through to Dad's office where the file lay on the top of his desk. I was tempted to peek at it, knowing Dad it's not top secret but it probably won't be interesting anyway.

Grabbing the file, I went upstairs to change and put some sensible clothes on for the minus ten or below that it was outside. The sun was shining but that's always deceiving, especially on the crisp, bright days after a snow storm.

I found my fuchsia toque and my navy blue winter coat, pulling up the fur trimmed hood and searched for my snow boots. Normally I prefer to wear my black leather boots in the snow, they look a bit better, but with the current volume of snow on the ground, my unsightly winter boots were going to have to be worn.

It was cold outside, not uncomfortably so but that glorious sunshine that arrives immediately after a snow storm. I trudged through the ankle deep snow on the sidewalks that had yet to be packed down. The roads had been plowed and gritted, but there a thin layer of snow still coated them. Fortunately, there weren't many people about, the town felt eerily quiet but I kind of like it that way - it's peaceful and you can hear yourself think.

The walk to the arena isn't too far, but it always feels further in the snow. Everywhere looks breathtaking, icicles were hanging off the edges of houses, people were shovelling snow off of their rooves and little piles of snow tumbled sporadically from the electricity lines.

I have been to the arena before but not for sometime. If I can avoid going there, I do. It's not particularly fun since I have zero interest in ice hockey or the team, not to mention the continual stench of sweat and body odour which lingers in the air. Usually I only go when Dad needs something ie. not very often and I've never stayed to watch a practice or a match. Nor do I intend to.

I arrived at the arena and made my way through the main entrance towards the offices which are buried in the heart of the building. I unzipped my winter coat, letting the hood down as the wall of heat hit me - I'll keep the toque on, hat hair is not a good look. Wayne, one of the assistant coaches and all round nice guy spotted me, enveloping me into a bear hug. "Lil Pelino! What brings you down here?" He gave a huge laugh and slapped me on the back, nearly winding me. I think he forgets that I'm not some huge, tough hockey player.

"Dad needed some files," I said waving them around with my left hand. He accompanied me through a couple of double doors towards my Dad's office before Wayne left me and carried on along the corridor in the direction of the locker room. The smell of socks and stale sweat increased once I could see the locker room door - God forbid what it actually smells like in there.

The door was closed which is a strict 'Do not enter' sign. I stood around waiting in the cream corridor, looking at the concrete floor and the banners lined up along the wall. There were motivational posters such as "There is no I in team" and "EFFORT. Work hard to get good, then work hard to get better."

Even through the thick wooden door I could hear Dad yelling at someone. He didn't sound like he was in the best of moods. "I don't care what happened on your last team Downie! JAMIE is Captain here on this team and he leads by example. Now you FOLLOW that example and DON'T make your own rules." So the guy Nat had brought home the other night was causing trouble on the team. She always knows how to pick a good'un.

"I'm giving you a permanent strike on your record. Two more and you're out. If that happens it'll be a miracle if you ever make it professionally," Dad's voice thundered. There were footsteps and then the guy I assumed was Downie came out of the door. He was way uglier than I expected and I don't know what Nat was thinking - she can do WAY better than him. He stopped right in front of me with a smug smile on his face.

"Well well, it's Alice in Wonderland, you know who'll be happy to see y-"

"-DON'T harass my daughter Downie. Get back to the locker room and have a shower. You stink!" Dad said seeing the whole thing as Downie had left the door open.

I pushed past his large frame into Dad's office and placed the file on his desk. "Stick around kiddo and I'll be done in half an hour," he said taking the file and adding several papers to it before locking it away in one of the several filing cabinets behind his desk.

Now that I'm not a child, I wish he would stop calling me 'kiddo'. I'm nearly an adult, and I'm in my last year at high school, I'm definitely no 'kiddo'. Does he call his young players 'kiddo' too? I think not.

Sitting in one of the chairs in front of his desk, I glanced at the countless photos, banners and awards that surrounded the walls. Dad is immensely proud of this team and it shows in his attitude and time taken with the team. "Take my chair, it's more comfortable. I'm going to speak to the team about their lousy practice," he said getting a whistle out of his desk and walking out.

I moved to the black swivel chair behind his desk, looking at the photo of me aged five years old, playing in the sand, then the one of Mom and Dad together. Behind these two photographs was one of the current team. I picked it up, looking for the few faces I recognise.

Hearing footsteps, I quickly set the photo back on the desk as two figures burst into the doorway. I looked up to meet Jamie and Jordan's eyes, both of them still dressed in their hockey gear, sweat dribbling down their faces. Jordan bumped into Jamie's left shoulder as he rounded the corner too quickly and failed to stop.

"Oh, I thought Mike..." Jamie trailed off as he stopped, resting his hand against the doorframe.

"Yeah, what he said," Jordan added pointing at Jamie. I knitted my brows and continued to spin on the chair.

"He went to the locker room," I replied. Jamie nodded and gave Jordan a little shove out of the doorway and around the corner.

Once they had gone, I heard Jamie say to Jordan, when they thought that they were out of earshot, "Duuude, you're such an idiot."

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Because of the way the OHL schedule was worked out this year, the Petes had a match on the 23rd of December away in Kitchener and then a home match on the 26th. This meant that most of the team were staying in Peterborough over Christmas and Dad had decided to make a practice on Christmas Eve despite Mom's protestations that it was 'Christmas time and Christmas time means family time'.

I had done most of my Christmas shopping in Toronto with Nat and I had struggled with presents. At least this year I wasn't buying for Austin who was notoriously difficult to buy for. Mom had said she would get something for Jordan from all of us, but I had gone to hmv to get him a couple of CDs. If I was going to continue riding to school with him, I might as well listen to something decent instead of the shit that he thinks passes as music.

Normally I'm like a big kid at Christmas, a little like Buddy the Elf, but this year I could not get excited. I don't know what it is. It's not like I just found out that Santa doesn't exist or Mom had made Christmas cake and had decorated the tree with white lights and ribbons and little baubles and Christmassy things.

Nat was going away for five days over Christmas so we exchanged presents the day before she went.
"Don't open these in front of your parents. Actually it's probably best if you open them now," Nat said as we both sat cross-legged on my bed.

Curious to know what was inside, I shook the first squidgy packet. It made a noise but nothing gave it away. I opened the edge and shook as about twenty condoms fell out onto the bed. "Glad I didn't open this in front of my parents," I said as more continued to fall out onto the bed, mixed with a few packets of lube. "Umm, Nat, I'm not even having sex," I said, putting the condoms back into the wrapping paper that was still sealed.

"But you will do, and when you do, you need to be ready. You can't assume that the guy will always have one, you've gotta be prepared too. Alice, you're not going to die a shrivelled up virgin," Nat said. I couldn't believe she had just said that. It didn't really bother me that I had never slept with anyone - it was a bigger problem for Austin than it was for me, and I didn't sleep with him because I wasn't ready to. It wasn't the fact that I didn't love him, because I did, well I loved in the past. Now things were a little hazy.

"And the others?" I queried looking at the two other small packages that were sitting between us on the bed. I wondered if they too weren't suitable to sit under the tree and be opened in front of my family on Christmas Day.

"Yeah, you can open those two now," Nat said. "They're not as bad."

Ha, I know what Nat's 'not as bad' means, which can also mean ten times worse.

I unwrapped the second package which was slim and rectangular to reveal a benefit compact - wow, I was not expecting that!
"Thanks, Nat, this is fab," I said giving her a hug. At least I would have hot smoky eyes before I decided to get laid.

"Can I open the last one too?" I asked. Nat nodded encouragingly, handing it to me as I removed the final bits of tape holding the sparkly wrapping paper in place. Once I had got rid of the paper, I had a small photo album with the word 'Friends' written on it in cute font. "It's a little cheesy and I know you're not so good with that, but I thought it was kind of cute. Open it."

Turning open the cover I found a nice silver inked quotation in Nat's handwriting:

But friendship is precious, not only in the shade, but in the sunshine of life, and thanks to a benevolent arrangement the greater part of life is sunshine.

Underneath she had drawn a little sun with a smiley face. "Turn over," she urged. There was a picture of us in first grade together, both eating huge ice-creams and on the opposite page was a photo taken before we went to Jamie's 70s party. After that there were just empty pages. I wondered why Nat had left the pages blank. Between the two of us, we have more than enough photos of us both to fill this entire album.

"Aww, I love it. What about the blanks?"

"They're for the future. The rest of the year, summer, after that..."

It was such a touching present, more than the eye make-up compact, the (practical) condoms or anything else that could be bought. Presents that have taken time and effort, particularly when it's a thoughtful handmade present are always the best. They mean so much more, and not just on a personal level - the fact that someone cares enough to go to all this trouble.

I gave Nat the presents I had bought for her, none of which even compared to the photo album. I'm not going to say my presents sucked, because they totally didn't, they were Nat-type-of-things down to a T, things I know she had had her eye on for quite some time, but I sort of wish that I had made something personal. Maybe a huge photo montage for her wall or something along those lines. It's not about whose present was the best, or what cost the most, or who had put the most effort into each other's gift; we don't see it like that, and neither of us are particularly competitive. It's just I had this guilt inside of me that made me... regret, that I hadn't tried harder.

I know that Nat would have been happy with even a pair of socks from Old Navy, she's not materialistic but I wish I had put more effort into the items I had got her. The sparkly top she had loved, she had been saving up for it for weeks, the perfume too, and then I had got her this small book which just made me think of her. All smallish things, but nothing personal or sentimental like the photo album.

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After Nat had gone, I walked along the corridor towards the top of the stairs. Jordan's door was open and I could hear him on the phone.
"Yeah, but what do I do now? Take her on a date? We haven't even kissed."

This sounded kind of interesting. I was tempted to eavesdrop. "Yeah she's hot and it's nearly Christmas. Do I get her a present?"

There was some silence as he listened to whoever he was talking to. "OK, no present. So you're saying I should just talk to her. Fuck, it's never been this complicated before... So how's Carolina? You managing to make it back home at all?"

I realised then that he must be talking to one of his brothers, but I couldn't for the life of me remember which one. And I should know; Jordan liked to talk about them all the time.

"You wanna continue talking about that? Don't know how much more there is to say," Jordan sighed as I could hear him pacing about his room. By now I was kind of intrigued and I want to find out who Jordan's mystery woman is.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Pretty sure she's single. So you think I should make a move on her over Christmas?"

Whoever it was had to be in Peterborough since Jordan was spending the holiday with us. I think it's the first Christmas we have ever had with one of Dad's players, actually, that's wrong, there was Mike but he doesn't really count, since he was almost family by the time he left.

I couldn't make out much more of the conversation so I carried on down the stairs. I'm sure I'll find out on the school grapevine who it is soon enough.